Role of anticipation

Today as I drove to get the paper I realized the role that anticipation plays in life. Anticipation fills your days. I used to anticipate a vacation, say to Montana or Europe. I used to anticipate a weekend when I would get job X done. As I listen to people talk, I envy sometimes their ability to anticipate a year or two in advance. A good friend recently told me about his plans for 2020. I don’t have that. I can’t anticipate a year from now. I can’t really anticipate this fall—and I would like to anticipate going to New York or Germany or travelling around the Midwest. I have to learn to leave that fulfilling part of my life out and switch to a focus on the next day or few days. Also I have to learn not to allow this realization to just end any anticipation.  I have to work with this.

As I think about this idea, I have realized that anticipation energizes daily life. You know, On Friday night I will get the grass mowed, next year we will go to Zion National Park, whatever. Holding that anticipation somehow makes today a bit different. I am not restricted to today, I am living in my future. That is what is gone. I am working on creating anticipation for the short term with some ideas about where we could go or do in the long term, but without the commitment that long term anticipation needs

Side effects appear later not sooner

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Yesterday, Tuesday, July 5 I had side effects, day 6 after the chemo session. Stomach hurt, diarrhea, tired.  I finally took immodium and ondansetron and by evening felt much better. Today I feel back to normal. I don’t like those days much but I have to learn to roll with them. After two meals of basically toast and apple sauce, I had a full meal in the evening.  I suspect that what triggered the attack was all the sugar I ingested on July 4 at the neighborhood party—two bottles of soft drink, two pieces of very rich cake. Live and learn.

I have begun acupuncture to control the side effects, stomach and lower gi issues. I was encouraged by the acupuncturist’s professional approach and I felt good after the session. These sessions will go on weekly and we will see how they go. All I have ever heard from people who have done acupuncture is good things.