“In your email you mention to think in terms of a year. Was that a
major blow to hear that? My dad told me that the cancer you have is not curable
basically, but a year seems like a tough pill to swallow."
Was it a major blow to get the news? Well, yes and no. I have known
for years that my cancer is incurable and that one day a doctor would tell me what
I heard the other day. I have heard other guestimates before (3-5 years, I
year) but with each of these estimates there were always more treatments
available. The deal with this one is that it is the last treatment in the
sequence of treatments. I think I have had 9 or 10. I never counted, but this
is it. The only hope I have is that my body just defies the disease longer or
that they perfect a gene therapy that would work. I know that they are working
on the latter but I suspect it will not be ready in time. We’ll see. And yes. It
was a real punch to the stomach. But what can I say? I had been preparing for
this and was delighted to find that I didn’t crumble when I got the news. That
has been one of the gifts of cancer. I have never been sure how I would handle
this news. And now I know and I have done OK.
In a curious way the date is good to know. Knowing it focuses me on things
I have to get done in what is called End of Life planning. Get the will up to
date, get all the beneficiary stuff correct, get the house in shape to sell
after I die (just talked to a carpenter about replacing some rot in the
foundation, another couple of grand). And I have to winnow my photo collection
down and all my other papers and computer files so that the good stuff can stay
and make sense to people and the nonessential stuff gets tossed.
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